Imagine This:

You are floating in a warm, dark, and comforting space. This is the womb, your first home, where you feel safe and protected. The rhythmic beat of your mother's heart is a constant lullaby, the gentle swish of amniotic fluid envelops you, and you are connected to everything you need. Here, you are weightless, content, and at peace.

Suddenly, the tranquility is shattered. There is movement, a sense of urgency, and a surge of energy. You are being pushed, squeezed, and propelled out of your warm sanctuary. The sensation is overwhelming, a rush of panic and confusion. You feel the pressure intensify, and then, in an instant, you are ripped out into a blindingly bright world.

The first thing you notice is the cold. It bites into your fragile skin, and you feel exposed, naked, and vulnerable. The air is sharp, and you take your first breath – a gasp that fills your lungs with a mix of relief and pain. There is a cacophony of sounds – voices speaking in urgent tones, machines beeping, the rustle of fabric, and somewhere, a faint murmur of spirits.

As your eyes begin to adjust to the brightness, you catch glimpses of figures moving around you. There are bright lights overhead, harsh and glaring, making everything seem surreal. Your tiny body is slick with blood and vernix, remnants of your journey from the womb.

You feel an energy of relief, but it is mingled with fear. You are fragile, delicate, and your senses are bombarded with new and intense stimuli. Just when the fear threatens to overwhelm you, you are cradled by warm hands. These hands belong to someone familiar, the one who has been with you since the beginning. Her touch is a balm, a momentary return to the safety of the womb. Her voice, soft and soothing, reaches through the chaos, calming your racing heart.

But this solace is fleeting. You are taken from her arms, and the separation is immediate and profound. You are placed inside a cylinder-like object, an incubator, where you are fed through a tube. The warmth of your mother's embrace is replaced by the sterile coldness of this new environment. The hum of machinery surrounds you, a poor substitute for the heartbeat you once knew.

In this incubator, you feel a deep longing. It is an endless sorrow, a yearning for the warmth and comfort you have been abruptly deprived of. You don't understand what has happened, only that you are alone and separated from the one you need most. You want to reach out, to touch hands, to be held, but the barrier of the incubator keeps you isolated.

Now, imagine going through your whole life with this feeling etched into your very being. This sense of separation, of vulnerability, lingers in the background of every moment. You carry a deep fear that at any moment, you will be separated again. So instead of waiting for separation to find you, you preemptively separate yourself. You retreat, pulling back into a metaphorical incubator to shield yourself from the potential pain of abandonment.

Imagine wanting to be healed but not knowing how to articulate that need. You hold on tightly to anyone who offers warmth, fearful that it could be taken away at any moment. This fear colors your interactions, making you cling to relationships out of desperation rather than connection. Imagine growing up, searching for something intangible, not knowing exactly what you seek. There is a void within you, an unspoken longing for the comfort and security you were deprived of at birth.

Imagine knowing the words you want to say but not knowing how to say them. "I want to be healed. I don't want you to leave me. I feel so alone." These words sit heavy on your tongue, weighed down by the fear that speaking them will lead to the very abandonment you dread. So you remain silent, your needs unvoiced, your pain unacknowledged.

Imagine walking through each day with this burden, the silent weight of your early experiences shaping your reality. The fear of abandonment becomes a constant companion, influencing your actions and decisions. You separate yourself preemptively, choosing isolation over the risk of loss. You seek comfort in art and creative expression, using these outlets to process your emotions and transform your vulnerabilities into something beautiful.

There's a part of you that craves stability and security, a grounding force that seeks to build a safe haven amidst the chaos. This part of you whispers:

"Light your light with me.

Light your light in me.

See me as I see.

Be still as I be.

Ground in me,

So profound to see you,

You are in my arms."

This voice is practical, nurturing, and focused on creating a sense of home.

Then there's the part of you that is driven by intense emotions and a deep need for transformation. This part whispers,

Sync in sink,

Sinking in sync with shadows that shimmers,

Swimming into dimmer derelicts that trimmer,

There where you dare to let your divinity unfold..."

This voice is intense, pushing you to explore the hidden realms within yourself, to uncover and heal the wounds that lie beneath the surface.

The voices of your past, the echoes of your early separation, also whisper to you. They say,

"You are fragile,

Yes fragile you are,

Too far from our protection,

Too excited and too expressive,

Bold actions?

Acting Too excessive,

You overdo connection,

You'll get drained so go do reflection,

 Because they'll see You and lead to rejection..."

These whispers feed your fear of abandonment, making you wary of letting others in.

Creating Meaning and Core Values: Through these experiences and voices, you begin to construct your innerstanding of the world. Your early isolation and vulnerability shape your core values and the meaning you assign to life.

Value of Connection: Despite the fear of abandonment, you learn to deeply value genuine connections. You crave the warmth and security of close relationships, striving to build bonds that offer the comfort you were deprived of at birth.

Resilience and Transformation: Your journey teaches you the importance of resilience. The cycles of isolation and emergence, of retreat and rebirth, become central to your identity. You see yourself as someone who can endure and transform through adversity, continually reinventing and finding new strength.

Art as Expression: Art becomes a vital outlet for you, a way to process and express your complex emotions. Through creative expression, you find a means to articulate the unspoken, to make sense of your inner world, and to connect with others on a profound level.

Seeking Stability: The practical voice within you emphasizes the importance of stability and security. You learn to build a solid foundation in your life, seeking out tangible comforts and creating a sense of home that offers refuge from the chaos.

Embracing Vulnerability: Over time, you begin to understand that true strength lies in embracing vulnerability. You learn that by opening up and allowing yourself to be seen, you can forge deeper connections and find healing. This realization becomes a cornerstone of your personal growth.

This is am at right now...